What If....?

Right up until the 31st of Dec'19, I was avoiding the task at hand - packing for my return journey to Oslo two days hence. The thought of ending up again in a cold place, with no one around made me want to savour the love and warmth of home and food right up until the last minute. It took a good amount of mental programming the next day to finally start preparation for flying out.

I flew out and landed on 2nd Jan and eased back in to the life here in two days. And things went off as per routine for about ten days. And then I fell ill. No big deal. It began with the normal cough/cold symptoms. I had dealt with it before, but this time it persisted for over five days.

When my eyes opened on Friday, the body couldn't muster the strength to get off the bed. The eventual bathroom trip that followed drained me off the remnant energy almost driving me to unconsciousness. I panicked. Home was far far away. I looked about me - there was no one around. The heaters were running at maximum but they offered very minimal comfort to my shivering body under two blankets and two layers of clothing. I hastened to book the first available appointment at the doctors for the day. Five days of illness later, I stepped out of my indignation - I needed help. And from thereon was implanted this seed of "What if...?"

I write this today. It has been two weeks since I first fell sick and I finally feel I am getting back on track. The idle hours and the empty mind put me through quite a physical and mental upheaval. Over the days I realized:

1. Life can change anytime. You may want something for so long but overnight your situation may change and you could want something absolutely different.

2. Help comes in from unexpected quarters. Life has its own ways of taking care of you. Have faith!

3. Clarity. Testing times automatically put things into a far clearer perspective and your priorities are sorted.

4. Illusion of control. We have absolutely no control over what is to happen to us. Mental make-up is what one can control, at best.

5. This too shall pass, like everything else.

The "What if" doesn't stand as tall as before now. Whatever is, is!


"You don't know what you know until you know".

Hither and Yonder

I sought it hither and yonder,

Desperately and intensely, as the hands of time clocked the years away.

I sought it ever since I first saw it dazzle on the silver screen,

Since I first heard the crests and troughs of the poems rhymes,

Since the many firsts that were to not last forever,

Oh yes! I did search for it hither and yonder.

I travelled hither and yonder,

My journeys always with an inkling of hope,

My eyes constantly on the lookout,

Maybe the next turn, the street across, the distant house, or just around the roundabout?

Albeit, always returned only to travel again,

Oh yes, I did travel hither and yonder.

I waited hither and yonder,

And realized patience is not just a virtue that one is born with,

Like any other skill, you get better at it with years of practice.

Howsoever long it takes, it must be on its way,

The picture would be complete, the missing piece would be found someday.

Oh yes, I did wait hither and yonder.

It gave me a glimpse,

It assured me of its presence in the hearts that beat around me.

It built me up and also tore me apart,

It saw me through it all, as I saw it too - the entire spectrum of it passing through the prism of time.

But never did it leave me, and neither did I.

Oh yes, it did stay with me - hither and yonder.

I feel it now everywhere around me,

In a stranger’s smile, in the sun on a frigid day,

In the voices I feel fortunate to be hearing from miles away,

In opportune discoveries, and also when no plans seem to fall in place.

It finds its expression in the desperate prayers, in selfless offerings and in grateful moments,

Oh yes, it is now in me - hither and yonder.

But the question does still implore!

What would you do to see it for real?

To hold its hands in yours, to see it in the eyes,

To feel it like all things tangible in the worldly sense should.

Would you now go out seeking again hither and yonder?

Or would you now just sit back and let it find you….

"At long last"

Time Tales

I had stepped out in the evening. It was a cloudy day and was raining lightly. People don't step out much in this weather and being a Sunday, most shops are closed (Europe!). I would walk a little outside and if I start getting cold, I'd walk into whichever shop I find open or just get into the train station. So, finally when I was headed back, I didn't take the bus that I usually take as the bus stop was a bit away and walking in the cold wasn't inviting. Instead I took the tram which drops me halfway through to my place so atleast I am warm inside. Here's when it happened.

After getting off the tram and walking towards the bus stop, I heard bells toll everywhere. It was 8 pm. Harbor to my left and the European buildings to my right. Light rain, cold breeze and not many people around. Not a soul that I knew. Instantly, my mind went into a reverie - the opening scene of DDLJ. Just like him, images of home and feeling of warmth touch and go in a second. Hits you hard! 

Something that I saw at age 10, I comprehend at age 31! The feeling is pretty inexplicable.

"Home is where the heart is".

Rendezvous with Mr. Ratan Tata

Living in Mumbai has it’s own advantages. The city of dreams is home to one and all – Bollywood superstars, corporate czars, wolves of the Dalal Street and the million faces that make up this city. I remember when I was a kid, I would often be questioned with curious anticipation by people from other cities/towns - “You live in Bombay( the 90's). You must have seen Amitabh Bachchan / Sachin Tendulkar / < replace any famous personalities >, right?”. I assumed the question to be a rhetoric, but when persisted, my answer in negative would evoke an expression of shock and disappointment. Which one was more prominent, I could not tell.


My sole honest claim to having seen one of the biggest superstars for real happened by chance as I was sauntering around Band Stand on one fortunate Sunday evening. It was SRK waving down from the terrace of his building to the crowds gathered outside Mannat who wouldn’t budge. It was more of a silhouette at twilight, as the hand rose from some 5-odd stories above. So, yeah, that was that.


But, when I joined TCS and saw the video “Keepers of the Flame”  on the induction day – I’m sure most of you  TCSers would recollect – I had this one desire. And it was to see Mr. Ratan Tata in person.
It has been almost six years since I have been in this company and finally, the moment was realized.


The Banyan Park office often has regular visitors from the top management of the TCS. This campus has also hosted the honourable Australian Prime Minister. And so it turned out that the senior management of the TATA group were in the Banyan Park campus on Thursday. It was around evening time that my friend and I stepped out after snacks and saw some people gathered at the car pick-up point. Curiosity took over as suddenly my hastened footsteps drew me closer to that spot. I first noticed the TCS CEO – Mr. Rajesh G, then the TATA group chairman – Mr. N. Chandra and finally lo! It was Mr. Ratan Tata himself.


The few of us who were standing there seemed pretty much dazed and awestruck – me, I sure was! And then, they waved at us to come join them for a photo. The realization that this moment, when I am in the same frame as the doyen of the Indian industry would be captured to be frozen in time was overwhelming. Everyone went on to shake hands with him and he patiently and very graciously received our obeisances with a smile. The charm, the charisma, the persona! “Thank you” was all I could say and really all I had to say.


It is moments like these when you realize once again what privilege it is to be associated with the TATAs. For a group that strongly believes in giving back to the society, I felt proud that my tiny minuscule contribution is also helping build a better world for everyone. For I finally got to shake hands with the man who is a legend, carries forth the grand legacy and is the “Keeper of the Flame”.


"Something like this!"

Impromptu!

How can you hold it in when it wants to flow,
Does it shy away, does it get scared, or does it just not know!
It breathes in your breath, it beats in your heart
You can fake it, you can lie, ahh well, but if only it were not for your eyes!
I know, I know, I know and I can tell it all apart.
And yet it waits through the dark, for it knows someday the sun will rise...


*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

The cynic's cynicism melts away at the slightest touch
The tunnel just doesn't seem to end, but hope won't worry too much
It's like the pinnacle from where everything can be seen
It is only patience that gets you there, for up there it has been

Would you know the secret that I am about to tell?
The magical wand, the crystal ball and hocus pocus and the enchanting spell.
It all layeth right before your eyes should you choose to see.
Feel it within, spread it around, for whatever I give shall always find it's way back to me! :)

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

I push my eyes even after five past midnight,

Just one more line and I think it will work alright.

I hit the save button and do one final check,

Alas! The code doesn't run, the error I've got to traceback.

I push away the laptop and lay back on the bed.

I remember the words I keep hearing - never enough said.

I push myself to stay awake a bit more.

I write a few more lines and this time I just know it to the core.

With what great effort those lines I wrote and yet they didn't do the trick!

And laying on my bed, these lines I write with ease and look!

How it created "the magic"!

 "Time and Tide"

Are you with me?

Would you lie besides me on the grass?
Watch the time stand still just when you let it pass.
The open skies would never hear what the waves would never see.
Our little promise we make that day,
The world around us would never give away.

Would your eyes meet mine when I look across the floor?
Would you smile your shy smile when you let me in through your heart's door?
The band won't stop playing till we call it a night.
Do you know that, just for us, the world wants to gave a miss to the morning light?

Would you walk with me, walk with me to the distance?
For the timid Alaskan winter sun wouldn't be able to resist warming up to us;now that would be nature's mysterious treason!
The dazzle of our smiles would add glitter to the yellow of the Australian Gold Coast.
And how could we not pose when the Northern Lights flash on the Norwegian waters,our glasses raised to toast.

Would you give yourself to me, a little each day, for the rest of our lives?
Would your heart's strings feel a tug when I write these lines?
The world around us is waiting to see,
The day when you would be with me.

"Are you with me?"

Right Here!!

Dear   ,


I finally write to you again!!! All this time I did come back every once a while to begin to write again, but life around found its expression sometimes in just my grateful sighs or in the amazed silence of my rather inquisitive mind at other times. And then there were times when I was just walking along on the bridge of monotony that lay between these two peaks. Words patiently awaited till this day, to ripe themselves fully to be able to offer in their own way - themselves!


You know, I eventually did board that train and met that friend. The months that passed on by while I awaited that trip made sure that it was all worth it. For the sun shone through the day not just up there but also in the warmth of laughter I shared with my friend. And finally as it splashed the skies with hues of all the seven colours while descending into the Arabian sea, it made yet another revelation. The grains of sand there stretched out to my either sides and were not confined to the mocking hour glass. And this my dear friend is still very little of all that I have seen there. I had been absolved of all that I had long sought to be free from and I awaited the new days ahead with excited anticipation.


Why excited anticipation you ask? I spent the next four months gathering all the essentials that I would need to fly off to the famed land of "beer, chocolates and waffles". How grateful can one be when what one sees in movies is ready to greet him for real at the end of his birthday week! Cliched alright, but I would rightly called it "The Divine Gift". Hereon began the journey of many journeys over the next six months that probably have changed me forever - for the good of course! Life around expanded itself beyond imagination to the world of possibilities. As did the horizon of my thoughts, my personality, and myself. Europe and all of its experiences that will forever be vividly remembered by my mind and heart alike, will always find me being grateful to all the wonderful people that I met there who made those experiences possible. When I finally came back home on Diwali day, ostensibly reliving the SRK moment from K3G as I landed, these words made me understand why I had been having the feeling of having left something behind when I boarded that flight:

"You will never be completely at home again because a part of your heart will be always be elsewhere. That's the price you pay for the richness of knowing and loving people in more than one place."

I have been here and been there - in dream and in reality. I did end up meeting some interesting people too after my return. And it feels great to finally be able to write to you about it all after such a long time.

What do I await next? The next post should tell! ;)

Yours!


"And it's Patience again that speaks!"