What If....?

Right up until the 31st of Dec'19, I was avoiding the task at hand - packing for my return journey to Oslo two days hence. The thought of ending up again in a cold place, with no one around made me want to savour the love and warmth of home and food right up until the last minute. It took a good amount of mental programming the next day to finally start preparation for flying out.

I flew out and landed on 2nd Jan and eased back in to the life here in two days. And things went off as per routine for about ten days. And then I fell ill. No big deal. It began with the normal cough/cold symptoms. I had dealt with it before, but this time it persisted for over five days.

When my eyes opened on Friday, the body couldn't muster the strength to get off the bed. The eventual bathroom trip that followed drained me off the remnant energy almost driving me to unconsciousness. I panicked. Home was far far away. I looked about me - there was no one around. The heaters were running at maximum but they offered very minimal comfort to my shivering body under two blankets and two layers of clothing. I hastened to book the first available appointment at the doctors for the day. Five days of illness later, I stepped out of my indignation - I needed help. And from thereon was implanted this seed of "What if...?"

I write this today. It has been two weeks since I first fell sick and I finally feel I am getting back on track. The idle hours and the empty mind put me through quite a physical and mental upheaval. Over the days I realized:

1. Life can change anytime. You may want something for so long but overnight your situation may change and you could want something absolutely different.

2. Help comes in from unexpected quarters. Life has its own ways of taking care of you. Have faith!

3. Clarity. Testing times automatically put things into a far clearer perspective and your priorities are sorted.

4. Illusion of control. We have absolutely no control over what is to happen to us. Mental make-up is what one can control, at best.

5. This too shall pass, like everything else.

The "What if" doesn't stand as tall as before now. Whatever is, is!


"You don't know what you know until you know".